WHERE'S THE GOD $ @ & ^ REST OF IT?

This is one of the out of the way places. A place which can nonchalantly hide itself clearly in the forefront of a map, yet the casual onlooker will never see its name, no matter how frustratingly he or she tries. Could it be the name of the town that makes it so invisible? No, probably not, after all the name of this town is Stoltenberg, named after its founder and original settler Hans Stoltenberg. Funny name of a town you say? Yes, yes, the name for a town is way too long and funny sounding to be just looked over. Then what could it be? I tell you my friends it is not the name of the place that can make this town seem so virtuously translucent, but the people who live there. And the townspeople of Stoltenberg hold great pride in this very transparent quality of their town. Yes, there is a story brewing here, so sit down while I try my damnedest to relate a tale so inconceivable you would laugh me away. But every word that you hear to leave my lips from this moment on will be the truth, so help me God, the truth. It is a tale of woe, and a tale of happiness, but above all it is a tale of mistrust and deception of neighbors, close neighbors in which only a small town could breed. And the tale begins with the said man above, the founder of this small quiet Illinois town, back in 1834. It is a tale that begins with Hans Stoltenberg, and oddly enough ends with the very same man 150 years later.

Sadly, this is as far as I got tonight and then decided to call it quits because I didn't want to commit to something this late at night. Oh well, I'll stew on this for a bit and get back to you all on it in a while.
Peace out peoples,
-sib-