The anticipation for Saturday is overwhelming. My one day of rest, where I can spend the whole day if I wish to do so, is to be snatched away so I can commiserate with my comrades in need of cash. That's right, another weekend spent working. After a grueling, backbreaking week of manual labor, there is nothing I'd rather do with my free time then spend it revisiting some of my oh-so-favorite activities from the week. Mainly that of lifting, climbing, heaving, etcetera, etcetera.
Okay, okay, so I was being ironical, as Abs would say, when I claimed my enthusiasm for the approaching inevitable to commence, but I wasn't lying or being sarcastic about the anticipation part. I am highly anxious for that time to approach (anxious in the most negative use of the word). So much so that though I lay my head down to prepare for the arduous day ahead several hours ago, I couldn't bring myself to stop the convulsing jitter and here I am now writing about the foretold events that plague my consciousness. I can only pray to some deity to rescue me now from my horrible fate.
"Oh come on now," you say, "it isn't that bad... It's only working on a bleedin' Saturday. It's not the end of the world or something as apocalyptic as you make out..." And to that I dare to respond two things. 1) Ah, go fuck yourself... what d'you know... 2) It may not be the end of the world, but it could be the end to my Saturdays for the time being. And I say this in great fear that my transitional phase between college and what I would consider my desirable future may never come to fruition. That in fact, I may be stuck forever in this state of hiatus, this state of transition. That this state of transition between one life and the next has somehow sneakily disguised itself so, and will any day now rear out and show its true form and my present situation will thus become my future one as well, forever living a working class life. Forever working my Saturdays because of some desperate attempt to always play catch up in the debt I collect trying to live in my delusional lifestyle and comfort of at least middle class.
Did I tell you guys that I received another rejection yesterday in the mail? Well I did. Not because I was unqualified mind you, only because I forgot to specifically answer a generic question in my resume. A question that I thought I answered quite effectively, was overlooked and thus passed on because it was not included. My dumb luck right? Just notch that one up to experience, right? I guess so, but it was still disheartening to read the reply and what caused the slip up after something so trivial as that. A trivial question unanswered (at least in the eye of the committee) disqualified me from getting a desired high paying job in a ideal location. Stupid bureaucratic befuddlementations.
I am not writing this in hopes of obtaining any sympathy or empathy for those who may read this post. As I know, or only hope to dream, that eventually something will pop up and rescue me away from this niche that claims me. Reason leaves me to believe it. And perhaps too the melancholy and other neuroses will then dissipate when this occurs. But until that time, to help me sleep better at night, I will take out my aggressions and anxious thoughts about the future out here on you fine fellow bloggers. Or perhaps one day as a blue collared worker, I'll have a job with a better health coverage package and will be able to afford the costly therapy to help cope with the inevitable nervous breakdown which follows.
Alright, I've had enough of this particular jeremiad tonight. And I think I have wasted enough of both of our precious time. A day of should be rest reluctantly awaits only a few hours away and I shall shove off for bed now, again. And besides, I am tired of sharin' anyhow.
Peace out peoples,
-sib-