Insentient

Everyone needs something to wake up for. Whether it is a woman or a man, respectfully, that makes a person want to get up in the morning, or it is God, everybody clings to one thing or another in order to make it through their day. Often in life these reasons, these priorities, these clinging’s shift and adjust to the individuals’ present situation. To be sure, I want to explain that when one has a reason to awake, this doesn’t necessarily mean that because he or she does not, want to not live. It is just that living in general becomes a tedious affair. And like any sexual affair, eventually the flame dies out and the partners move on or they suffocate and separation becomes so much more a painful process.
For example, let’s take the average boy in his life span. At first, life is new and he hasn’t really much need for clinging, because life itself is pretty novel and just waking up everyday hasn’t become a chore. The only responsibility burdened upon him is just that—to wake up. Later after more and more is piled upon his pallet, eventually things begin to change. School becomes one of the primary institutions or causes and or reasons that boy awakes. But this is still yet premature because it is basically still what his parent’s desire and thus basically he awakes for the sake of his parents, for that is all he thus far knows. As the burdens of responsibilities are weighed heavier upon his shoulders, the reasons alter to new prospective and perspective outcomes and desires. For instance, a boy becomes a young man and finds love somewhere outside the influential ring of school and his parents. It then becomes some other form of love. Whether it is a love for a woman or job, the man finds something to hold onto. Much later, let us assume that in a normal lifespan, where a man eventually gets married, the next step is children. And even if he still holds the same value or not in his wife, he now has another love that keeps him respectable and responsible. And even after that, if it hasn’t been so already previously, eventually the man can hold onto a “higher being” a “god” in his old age to help him through the tremendously tedious and often quite dull happenstance, which is life.
I have been waiting to wake up for awhile now. I have had all the preliminary reasons for waking every morning, and had my elementary crushes on life; such as school, my parents, girlfriends here and there, friends in general, crappy jobs, college, etcetera and etcetera. They all compile my long list of reasons to be awake and to awake, but lately my life has been somewhat been postponed. I haven’t one now, at least none that I can recognize clearly. And though I am thinking I may be too desperate to not only find one, but I am to believe and hope that one will come up soon.
And this may be why I have been so desperate to escape lately. I have been seeking the mountains to the west ever since I left them there the first time. It has been one of the very few places, people, or things, that has left me in want of waking, of want of making it back there someday. It was one of the very reasons I wanted to work out there to begin with. Ever since I was nine, I have dreamed of living in the woods, near the woods, near scenic landscapes which can induce me out of this insomnious slumber. But besides this form of real escape, I have taken over the past few years, many other forms of escape. I watch movies and read books at an alarming rate, idling away the countless hours until the time when I could finally take myself really away.
This time has finally come again, and this time I go in search of what is out there alone. I don’t know what exactly I am to find or even what I hope to find in the wonted wilderness, but I hope to at the very least succumb the itch enough to settle down and welcome my new life when I come back. But as it is with everything and anything, one and all, including me, I shall have to wait and see on that one. But until then, and until the time I come back, you all have fun. Perhaps, you could bless yourselves if lucky enough that you can recognize your own reasons to wake every morning.

-sib-