A Long Silence Abated?

I almost stayed at home, saved some money, payed off my loans, but a opportunity came for me to move away from my schizophrenic family and I jumped.
I almost finished my work this week and didn't have to work on the weekend, all weekend long, but thanks to bacteria and a sly ill-placed frog, I have no choice.
I almost got drunk and had some fun with my friends on Friday, but then halfway through my first beer, the Mason cops set up a sobriety check point outside of the bar.
I almost gained the courage to ask a girl out this week, but then was embarrassingly saved the eventual disappointing rejection when I dripped chili down my shirt.
I almost came back from my long sabbatical with a thrilling update upon what has been going on this week, but was too inconvenienced, too incontinent to even attempt such a tedious task.