So, I have been away for quite some time, huh? I have an excuse. I swear. It’s signed by Epstein’s mother. No really, it’s valid. If you want an explanation just read on, but I got to warn you—it’s a real doozy. To be honest, I have been away from you all for so long because I have been in Africa. Africa is God’s country—and well-he can keep it. Yup, that’s right. I traveled to Africa.
I traveled with only one other person. It was my bosom companion, my trusty sidekick, my collaborator in chaos, my friend Jason “Rusty” Bedlam (the III). His father, Jay Jr. is some sort of wealthy-to-do businessman, who has been away for so many years in Europe, or so it always seemed, is now home again and makes up all the lost time by substituting it monetarily. We all know this cliché of family bonding through bonds. It was actually Jason who invited me along with him, and more than likely, it is I who is the sidekick rather than the said above opposite. Whether I was Ward to his West or he was my Jay Silverheels to my Clayton Moore, we were both equal accomplices in anarchy, and it was an easy quick decision to go along with him.
We left the city, drunk and early, on the morning of September 23. After about fifteen hours in the air and six more in the plane, we arrived at the airport in some oddly named city. We at once proceeded 300 miles into the heart of the jungle, where I shot a polar bear. This bear was six feet and seven inches tall, with stocking feet, and it had shoes on…
What you don’t believe polar bears live in Africa? Well, normally they don’t, but this bear was anemic and couldn’t stand the cold climate. You see, he was a rich bear and could afford to get away from his natural habitat. And if you don’t believe that—well—how about this, you take care of your animals and I’ll take care of mine.
From the day of our arrival, we led an active life… Why, the very first morning saw us up at six. We had breakfast and were back in bed by seven. This was our routine for the first ten days. After that we managed to remain awake until seven-thirty.
One morning I was sitting in front of the cabin smoking some meat… I was smoking meat ‘cause there wasn’t a 7-11 anywhere in sight to buy more cigarettes… Anyway, there I was sitting in front of our cabin when I bagged six tigers. That’s right, six. No, sure there were six, and I bagged them and bagged them to go away all morning but they wouldn’t budge. They hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I ever knew.
*cough*
The principle animals inhabiting the jungle are moose and elks. Of course you all know what a moose is… that’s big game. The second day I shot two bucks, that was the biggest game we had…
As I said, you all know what a moose is? For those of you who do not know, a moose runs around on the floor, eats cheese, and is chased by the cats. The elks, on the other hand, live up in the hills. In the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to see them gather around the water-hole, and you should see them run when they find it. After all, it is only a water-hole, what they were looking for is an alcohol…
On our second to last day there, on a hike into the thick, we ran into one of the local tribes and they invited us back to their camp. None of them wore any clothes. There was a group of teenage girls idly standing on the outskirts of the huts. Jason and I took many pictures. They weren’t developed yet, but we promised ourselves to go back there in a couple months.
After the adventure with the natives, a huge chunk of time edited out for the kiddies, we returned home and for the most part I have been doing nothing but resting from the adventure. Jason caught malaria and died two days ago. The funeral is tonight, but I think I might wash my hair. Other than that, I have done nothing much of interest. Though I left for a few weeks, when I got back, my bosses missed me so much, they gave me a raise. Even now, I am at work with nothing going on. Speaking of which, I ought to get back to my important idle time. You guys really aren’t worth the time I could be spending twiddling my thumbs. Twiddling one’s thumbs is an art. It takes years of practice to master. And spending it doing this is really cutting into the valuable time I have left. Adios people…
-sib
(fyi—most of this was paraphrased and just plain stolen from one of my heroes, Groucho Marx, from the movie Animal Crackers)
I traveled with only one other person. It was my bosom companion, my trusty sidekick, my collaborator in chaos, my friend Jason “Rusty” Bedlam (the III). His father, Jay Jr. is some sort of wealthy-to-do businessman, who has been away for so many years in Europe, or so it always seemed, is now home again and makes up all the lost time by substituting it monetarily. We all know this cliché of family bonding through bonds. It was actually Jason who invited me along with him, and more than likely, it is I who is the sidekick rather than the said above opposite. Whether I was Ward to his West or he was my Jay Silverheels to my Clayton Moore, we were both equal accomplices in anarchy, and it was an easy quick decision to go along with him.
We left the city, drunk and early, on the morning of September 23. After about fifteen hours in the air and six more in the plane, we arrived at the airport in some oddly named city. We at once proceeded 300 miles into the heart of the jungle, where I shot a polar bear. This bear was six feet and seven inches tall, with stocking feet, and it had shoes on…
What you don’t believe polar bears live in Africa? Well, normally they don’t, but this bear was anemic and couldn’t stand the cold climate. You see, he was a rich bear and could afford to get away from his natural habitat. And if you don’t believe that—well—how about this, you take care of your animals and I’ll take care of mine.
From the day of our arrival, we led an active life… Why, the very first morning saw us up at six. We had breakfast and were back in bed by seven. This was our routine for the first ten days. After that we managed to remain awake until seven-thirty.
One morning I was sitting in front of the cabin smoking some meat… I was smoking meat ‘cause there wasn’t a 7-11 anywhere in sight to buy more cigarettes… Anyway, there I was sitting in front of our cabin when I bagged six tigers. That’s right, six. No, sure there were six, and I bagged them and bagged them to go away all morning but they wouldn’t budge. They hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I ever knew.
*cough*
The principle animals inhabiting the jungle are moose and elks. Of course you all know what a moose is… that’s big game. The second day I shot two bucks, that was the biggest game we had…
As I said, you all know what a moose is? For those of you who do not know, a moose runs around on the floor, eats cheese, and is chased by the cats. The elks, on the other hand, live up in the hills. In the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to see them gather around the water-hole, and you should see them run when they find it. After all, it is only a water-hole, what they were looking for is an alcohol…
On our second to last day there, on a hike into the thick, we ran into one of the local tribes and they invited us back to their camp. None of them wore any clothes. There was a group of teenage girls idly standing on the outskirts of the huts. Jason and I took many pictures. They weren’t developed yet, but we promised ourselves to go back there in a couple months.
After the adventure with the natives, a huge chunk of time edited out for the kiddies, we returned home and for the most part I have been doing nothing but resting from the adventure. Jason caught malaria and died two days ago. The funeral is tonight, but I think I might wash my hair. Other than that, I have done nothing much of interest. Though I left for a few weeks, when I got back, my bosses missed me so much, they gave me a raise. Even now, I am at work with nothing going on. Speaking of which, I ought to get back to my important idle time. You guys really aren’t worth the time I could be spending twiddling my thumbs. Twiddling one’s thumbs is an art. It takes years of practice to master. And spending it doing this is really cutting into the valuable time I have left. Adios people…
-sib
(fyi—most of this was paraphrased and just plain stolen from one of my heroes, Groucho Marx, from the movie Animal Crackers)
the Omnipotent... Everybody loves SuperInsignificantBoy wrote this at 4:46 PM
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